Numb
by QueenWolf12
Summary: He didn't know what was going on in England's head right now or what had been. All he knew was he needed to be a hero. And he was gonna make sure he was one. Rated T for self harm suicidal thoughts and actions Possible USXUK if you look real close!


There was some editing that has been done to this so I re-loaded. Big thanks to my friend on deviant art who edited this for me. I can't remember her name right now.

I do not own hetlaia peeps!

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**England walked sluggishly down the hall, swaying a little with each step he took. He placed his hand along the wall so he wouldn't fall down, and it didn't help that his vision was hazy. But Arthur was surprised he was still awake. Normally he would have passed out by now or maybe even gotten sick... He figured it was all the pills he mixed this time that changed that.

This never used to be a problem for Arthur. But it had been so easy to kept taking the pills when things started to got to hell. The feeling it gave him was... How would you describe it? Good. Yes, it was a good feeling. It made him numb. When he was numb he couldn't feel the pain of his people or it's economy. He would feel nothing. He wouldn't even care he was alone.

But the feeling would go away after some time and then it would hit him like a ton of bricks. All at once. He'd start getting that feeling in his chest again. No matter what he did he could never make it go away. That lonely pain that fluttered around in his chest. It had been getting worse lately...

But Arthur was used to being alone and he had gotten used to the ones he loved either hurting him or leaving him.

England placed one of his hands on his stomach when it began to growl. He hadn't noticed how hungry he was before. He made his way into the kitchen and began searching for something to calm his stomach. He looked through the cabinets, each time he shut them his stomach would rumble and remind him to keep looking. After deciding there was nothing he had a taste for in the cabinets he opened the fridge. He looked in the cold box for a moment before finding an apple.

As he sliced the the fruit, he found himself looking at the knife in his hand. He had heard of people doing this sort of thing to themselves, but he could never figure out why. England looked at the inside of his arm. "Straight down my arm is all it'll take," he said as he started.

Right as Arthur had finished his cut the front the door swung open. The sound scared the English man and he jumped; "Yo England!"" Alfred said as he barged in.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Arthur hissed as he tried to cover up his now bleeding arm.

Alfred blinked. "What ya doing Artie?"

America stared at the older nation from his spot in the door way. England had his back turned to him and looked like he was holding something, from where Alfred stood.

"Nothing. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"I came over to see you. I mean no one's heard from you in a while and I wanted to make sure you hadn't died of old age." America said half heartedly as he looked over the Brit's shoulder. "Hey, what happened to your arm?'

Arthur said nothing.

"Hello, earth to Arthur," Alfred waved his hand in the blonde's face," did you hear me?"

Alfred's face fell. He looked down at the older man's hands to see a knife in their grip, "Arthur..." He tried to look into the other nations eyes, but he just looked away, "oh my God!"

"What the hell where you thinking?" America half screamed as he held England's arm under the running water, "What's the matter with you!"

Arthur didn't say anything. He just focused on his arm. The water was becoming red. Swirling away down the drain. America scrubbed at the cut but the blood just kept coming. In a panic he pushed England into a chair and ran up stairs to get the first aid kit.

Once he had it he reached back to the kitchen and began to tend to to the wound. He cleaned it and put medical tap on it, "There," he let out a relieved 'phew', "it's better."

"Why did you do that?"

Alfred looked up when he heard England's voice. Once looking Arthur over he could see he was pale. He also noticed that his hair had gotten darker and wasn't as neat as before. He was thinner as well, and his clothes where unkept. That wasn't like the England he knew.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't be dumb you git," Arthur screamed,"What do you think I mean? Why did you stop me?"

"Well what was I supposed to do? Set there and let you bleed to death!"

"Well that was kinda the point!"

Alfred just stood there. Did he really hear what he thought he heard. Did England really just say that? "Why would you want to die?" America asked barely above a whisper.

It was hard to get the words out.

At that, England snapped. He felt his stomach start to bubble and his hands clenched into fist, "Everyone, and I mean everyone thinks I'm fine. England is just fine. Well does this look fine to you!" Arthur yelled shoving his wounded arm in the America's face. "Well? Does it?"

Alfred grimaced at the sight of the arm. "Calm down!" Alfred attempted to take hold of England's arm before he did any further damage to it, but he missed when he Arthur began swing it around.

"No! I wont calm down! I refuse to calm down! You're the one who ruined everything!" England wailed like a child as he threw his arms about.

America stayed in place. He didn't even blink or flench. Arthur's words where still sinking in. "Arthur..."

"Go home America. Just leave me be. It isn't as if anyone will miss me–"

"That's not true!" America cried as his face became wet, "people care about you!"

England laughed at this. His laugh frightened Alfred. It wasn't a normal one. It was the kind you hear in those old movies right before the killer attacked... "Who cares about me? My brothers? Like hell they do! They'd be happy if I died! France? Yeah he cares all right! All he does is use me for sex and never thinks of how much it hurts when I wake up knowing he doesn't love me or mean what he told me the night before. You? Ha! You left me! You left me. And after I did everything for you, and you up and left me!"

England's breathing was hard, he couldn't see from the tears that had formed in his eyes during the rant. Suddenly his eyes got big. He pushed to get out of the hold the bigger nation had on him but after a while gave up. He fell to his knees and began to cry into the American's chest.

Neither one knew how long they stay don the floor like that, and neither really cared. Time seemed to have stood still for that moment. Alfred held Arthur until his sobs stopped and his breathing became heavier. At first Alfred panicked thinking something had gone wrong with Arthur but smiled seeing he was only asleep. He gently picked him up and carried him upstairs to bed.

Once Arthur was tucked in under the covers, Alfred got rid of all the pills on the nightstand. He didn't know what was going on in England's head right now or what had been going on, but he knew he had to be the hero and he was gonna make sure he was one this time.

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